Come What May

I originally wrote this October 12, 2021 after the loss and grief of our third baby. At that time, we weren’t ready to share our story and so we waited. And now, prayerfully we are preparing for our fourth baby. We have experienced fear and complications already, but we are clinging to our Savior. Many friends, family and coworkers who have known are praying that if it is God’s will, that we will get to raise this little one come this November. We pray our hearts will be wholly leaning on God as we continue this journey. We believe that maybe a little bit of our story can be a blessing to you.

Sorrow. Grief. Pain.

These words have become more than words in our household. They seem as though they are unwanted guests that never understand when it’s time to leave. They eat up your time, your schedule, your physical strength. But, is there a time when these words are ever welcome?

At Gethsemane, we are in a garden. While His disciples rested, in sorrow, Jesus is burdened with what He is about to experience. He is about to suffer great physical agony and spiritual grief at the separation from His Father on the cross…alone. And yet, through blood, sweat and tears He submits to the Father by saying, “Not my will, but Yours be done.”

Jesus willingly welcomed these unwanted guests knowing that God would raise Him from the dead and we would be offered salvation through this most loving sacrifice.

Not only did Jesus welcome sorrow, grief and pain, He actually looked at what future they would bring. In Hebrews 12:2 says:

“Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame,
and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Did you read that? Jesus’ joy was our redemption.

Sorrow reveals what should be. Grief weeps and rest follows. Pain is momentary while joy is eternal.

As my husband and I mourn the loss of our three babies and experience (honestly, reserved) joy we feel for this new little one, we desire deeply to keep putting our eyes on Christ. We know so many who have experienced uncertainty, the loss of a child, a spouse, a job, or even a dream and we grieve with you. Most of all, we want to also point you to the one who is always good. God sees you, loves you, and has made a way for our broken world to be redeemed through His son, Jesus.

So, as we wait until that glorious day…and oh, I cannot wait for that day, “may it be, come what may, that I rest all my days, in the goodness of Jesus.”

Come you weary heart now to Jesus
Come you anxious soul now and see
There is perfect love and comfort in your tears
Rest here in His wondrous peace

Oh the goodness, the goodness of Jesus
Satisfied, He is all that I need
May it be, come what may, that I rest all my days
In the goodness of Jesus

Come find what this world cannot offer
Come and find your joy here complete
Taste the living water, never thirst again
Rest here in His wondrous peace

Oh the goodness, the goodness of Jesus
Satisfied, He is all that I need
May it be, come what may, that I rest all my days
In the goodness of Jesus

Come and find your hope now in Jesus
He is all He said He would be
Grace is overflowing from the Saviour’s heart
Rest here in His wondrous peace

Oh the goodness, the goodness of Jesus
Satisfied, He is all that I need
May it be, come what may, that I rest all my days
In the goodness of Jesus
Oh the goodness, the goodness of Jesus
Satisfied, He is all that I need
May it be, come what may, that I rest all my days
In the goodness of Jesus

May it be, come what may, that I rest all my days
In the goodness of Jesus

The Goodness of Jesus, CityAlight

Grateful Sorrow

This week, we have the privilege to reflect on our lives and be grateful for those around us and for what we have. We, as a nation, actually get to stop and give thanks to the Lord for what He has given us. Now, you might think, “What have I to be thankful for? It’s been one of the hardest and most lonely years I’ve ever felt.” And trust me, you and I are not alone in this feeling. Not only has our world been going through a health crises, but many people have lost their jobs, their loved ones, their connections to other people and their stability. Some are even having to go through grief, depression, and sickness all alone for the safety of others. All this chaos can feel like the world is caving in without any hope.

But hope is not lost. What we might actually be facing is deep sorrow–a loss and sadness for what could have been; a world without sin or death and freedom to live in a right relationship with our God and Creator. Unfortunately, our world is under the rule of sin and death will soon come for us all. But, again, hope is not lost. This grievous sorrow can be turned into a heart of joy and gratefulness when we look at what God gave to us in order to save us from eternal death and to one day have us live with Him. There, He has kept every tear we have ever shed in a bottle and will wipe away the ones that come when we see His face. This gift He gave was His own son, Jesus.

Most, if not all, can understand the weight of sorrow. But none can understand the sorrow that Jesus felt that day on the cross. He is indeed called the Man of Sorrows. He is called this because He not only suffered rejection and pain from men at the cross, He endured rejection and the full wrath of God for the entire world on that lonely hill. And to our amazement, we know something else about Jesus’ outlook of that horrible cross. Hebrews says, “who for the JOY that was set before Him, endured the cross.”

Just think…He had grateful sorrow because He knew His sacrifice would pay our ransom and we would be redeemed.

Some say we are close to the end of the world or experiencing the wrath of God. And yes, one day the world will end. But truthfully, is this type of panic and thinking actually reflecting the rest of the truth? The truth is, we will sometimes never know why God allows these times, but He is still the creator of this universe and knows what He is doing. He is the one who loved us though we turned our backs on Him. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for those sins and mend the relationship we broke so that when we actually do die, we can spend eternity with Him if we, in faith, accept Jesus as our Savior. He is worth every praise we can give and more.

So, even if you are experiencing deep sorrow this Thanksgiving, remember, that we can actually be grateful that our end doesn’t have to be separated from our Creator–if we trust in the saving power of Jesus, the Man of Sorrows deep and grateful.

Entrusting in Uncertainty

“He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood”

Come Thou Fount by Robert Robinson

This hymn is one of my favorite hymns and was recently rearranged by a friend for our wedding. This particular phrase beautifully describes that Jesus rescued us from our greatest danger by placing His own blood between us and our deserved end.

But is the Gospel something that really can be applied to an unknown in our world right now? The answer is, yes. 

Sometimes in the midst of uncertainty, we need to look at the past to remind ourselves and reflect on what God has done and see that there was purpose in it. Do you remember the uncertainty and doubt you felt during a certain trial in your life or the questions you asked God? After the trial passed, were you thankful or confused, sad or encouraged, joyful or angry? Psalms is full of emotions like these and you may be feeling one or multiple. In Psalm 63, we see David in the wilderness reminding himself of God’s love through praise of what God has done and who He is.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:1-8, ESV

But God doesn’t just keep us from our most dangerous end, He cares for us and provides for us. Matthew 6 talks of God clothing the grass of the field and asks us, “will He not clothe you also?” He will provide and He is faithful. You may not believe it or even feel that God is near, but our feelings don’t mean that He isn’t. In this time of uncertainty, entrust God with your burdens for your work, finances, family, and well-being. While you have the extra time, pray, listen and learn. He will give you rest.  


An Island of Unbreakable Hearts

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
-C.S. Lewis

Have you been deeply wounded? So wounded that you refuse to be that vulnerable again? Are just done with putting your heart and life on the line? Let me tell you, that you are not alone. I have felt the very same.

As a Christian, I am one to compare physical trials to spiritual warfare, because honestly, we truly are in constant warfare. So, I look to the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic and possible isolation as an opportunity to reflect on our desperate spiritual need for community. Community is hard, messy and sacrificial. In some cases, our hearts can be literally broken because of being used by others and deep hurt. And when this happens, and it most likely will, our sinful hearts have the potential to harden without the truth of God’s Word. Once hardened, we rarely want people around us and we give up loving them because we receive nothing in return. 

However, there was someone who became vulnerable for me and you, who was rejected by all those He was closest to (including His own Father), died with a broken heart, suffered a miserable death on the cross…all for you…all for me. Jesus forgave us of our sin by loving us until He was killed for it. So, should we only love those who love us in return? Jesus certainly turned the tables on this concept by demonstrating His love for the world through His sacrifice on the cross. Through Jesus’ death, He gave us hope. Hope which draws us to ask Him forgiveness for ALL our sin. If He has done this for us, can we not humble ourselves to get off our island and forgive those who have hurt us?

What lies are keeping you from loving your neighbor or family member? What lies are keeping you from being vulnerable enough to get help for the hurt that you have? What lies are keeping you from forgiving like Christ forgave? 

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4: 25-32, ESV

God did not intend for us to be alone, but we are facing times where we may have to take drastic measures in order to keep each other healthy and safe. During this time of being physically distant from one another, don’t spiritually distance yourself from others or put yourself on a spiritual island with an unbreakable heart. There is a solution to our heart’s need and it’s solution is Jesus, Himself.

Seize the Hope


For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater to swear by, he swore by himself: 14 I will indeed bless you, and I will greatly multiply you.[a] 15 And so, after waiting patiently, Abraham obtained the promise. 16 For people swear by something greater than themselves, and for them a confirming oath ends every dispute. 17 Because God wanted to show his unchangeable purpose even more clearly to the heirs of the promise, he guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that through two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to seize the hope set before us.”

Hebrews 6:13-20, CSB


Last spring, I was finishing up a degree with two classes which included a study in the book of Acts.  I was studying for academics purposes at the time, but decided that I would love to do a personal/devotional study as well. Once my husband and I finished our study, that’s exactly what I was able to do using the She Reads Truth study. I love that their studies are wholly scripture-based and reflective. (If you have never done one of their studies, you should check them out here!)

As I was reading in Acts 4, I was moved by the telling of the place where the church was assembling was physically shaking from the power of prayer. After this, the Spirit filled their hearts and they went on preaching the Gospel without fear. When the Spirit gave the congregation boldness to preach the gospel, I was encouraged and reminded that the Spirit gives us power to speak the truth boldly.

Aren’t you thankful that we don’t have to muster up that courage alone?

What is even more amazing is that the church in the book of Acts was already clinging to the promise that they could boldly approach the throne of grace. They had displayed this and their faith was made stronger by the Spirit who then enabled them to preach the hope of the Gospel. The hope through Jesus Christ.

In Acts 5, we see the story of Ananias and his wife, Sapphira. For those who may not know, both died instantly because of a lie they told in order keep back land for themselves that they had promised to God and also to look spiritual among the church. Of course the church was fearful after an event like this! I can’t imagine witnessing that moment. What a sad and sobering story that reminds us that God is just and that we cannot live falsely without punishment.

But look up at the verse you read at the beginning! Hebrews reminds us that God has done something wonderful…He has promised a way. He swore against Himself that He would provide forgiveness and restoration to Himself…and He did just that through the blood of Jesus Christ who has paid the price for us! And guess what, unlike Ananias and Sapphira, God cannot lie! This gospel hope is what we should SEIZE and praise Him for!

I find such comfort in the thought that we can seize the hope of the gospel and sobered that I haven’t always invited others to do the same. Who do you know that needs this hope? Do they know that God loves them and has made a way for them to have a relationship with Himself? What will you share with those who are lost and hurting today? Don’t wait. Seize the opportunity. Ask God to have the Spirit give you boldness.

Seize the gospel hope of Christ! 


Our Wedding


For the last month and a half, Matt and I have been thinking through our wedding day on December 9, 2019. We have been trying to savor every sweet moment and relive what was one of the most joyous and sobering days that we have experienced together so far. We had been praying about what we wanted our wedding to reflect, what it should stand for, and share that focus with our family and friends.

We desperately wished that we could have invited everyone that we loved and that we could have shared this day with those who couldn’t make it and those who have passed on from this earth as well. We did not do a live recording of our wedding to post on social media. So, for those who couldn’t be there, we wanted to share with you a little taste of what our ceremony was like.

Our wedding wasn’t an untraditional wedding or a traditional one even. For us, it meant that we truly wanted to give glory and honor to God and to take the focus off of the wedding as much as we could!  Although we did desire to have a beautiful wedding and for our guests to enjoy the day, our true joy came from the conversations we have been able to have about Christ since then.

With our families and friends by our side, we hoped the truth of the Gospel would be proclaimed throughout that day. We played “Just As I Am” as the mothers and grandmothers were escorted down the aisle with the desire to remind everyone that we can come to the Lord just as we are because of Jesus’ sacrifice. Then, Matt’s sisters read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Ephesians 4:32, and Romans 8:35-39 followed by the song “Faith to Be Strong” to remind us that we rely on His Word and Truth to give us strength. Then, Matt and I had our mentors give the challenge and marry us. The Gospel was so clear in their presentations as we soberly stood there realizing the weight of our decision in the presence of God to commit to each other until death parts us. Finally, after we shared the vows that Matt wrote, Matt and I shared in communion and prayer while hearing “Come Thou Fount” arranged by a sweet friend for our wedding. This song is one of our favorites as it reminds us to always “Tune our hearts” to sing the praises of God through the trials and joyful moments in our lives. To finish we sang, “In Christ Alone” with the congregation. This was one of our favorite moments of the day.

We could not be more grateful for what God provided or be able to thank all the people that He allowed to be a part of our wedding day. Whether it was through recommendations, Biblical counsel, music, food, gifts, time, or prayers, we were blessed beyond what we deserved. It has been over a month since Matt and I married and we still are looking back in awe of what God allowed us to do. Our heart’s overall description as we reflect on our wedding day is…




Life in 4,320 Minutes


I am not a potter, but this past year, I was able to experience what it was like to literally put my sweat and blood into a tiny little clay bowl when my fiancé and I went to a class together. I messed up at least 2 times and had to throw the used clay back in the bucket. This bucket didn’t hold clay to be tossed out, but to be used again for another time. The reason I had to put the clay back into the bucket was that I am an amateur. I am not a potter.

In the Christian life, we are clay and God is our potter and He is not an amateur.

But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64: 8

In the past 72 hours, God has been doing some deep work in my heart. 4,320 minutes of heart-wrenching pain and joy. In those hours, I’ve gone to marriage counseling with my best friend and have been shown some of my deepest struggles and in turn had to ask forgiveness from the one I love the most here on earth and pray that God would change me to be more like Jesus. I’ve sat in a beautiful room listening to two friends joyfully give of their talents while giving testimony to the goodness of God through their pain and sorrow. I’ve received the message that two close friends have become new parents to a beautiful baby girl. I’ve talked with a mom whose child is going through physical difficulties. I’ve been to a work luncheon where I heard testimonies of women who have been set free from the bondage of life on the streets where I live. Today, I received the message that a sweet friend and mentor has gone home to be with her Savior.

This life is momentary and can change in a moment’s notice…in 4,320 minutes.

Yet, none of this is about me or even the people mentioned. It is about who it is that has His mighty hand in the making of this very small window of life, death, joy and pain. It is about God and we can praise Him in the midst of the pain in life because He has made a way for it all to end.

Do you realize that it was good that God forbade Adam and Eve from going back into the Garden of Eden once they fell? You see, once Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, sin entered the world. If God had allowed them to eat from the Tree of Life they would still be here…stuck in their everlasting pit of sin.

“Then the LORD God said, ‘Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—’ therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.”

Genesis 3:22-24

Despite the initial thoughts that come into our mind when we think of banishment, God was kind and merciful to send them out so that one day…they could die.

Not only did God provide a way out of eternity in our filthiness and broken relationship with Him, but He provided a way for us to have eternal life with Him free from sin and sadness with a new body and a restored relationship with Him.

Life can change in a minute, but that change can be an everlasting one.

“ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Beautiful Grief


Today, was one of those days.

One of those days where you have so much on your mind and so much going on that you almost forget there are others around you. Whether its the class you have to get to, the text you have to answer, the dinner you have to prepare, or the meetings you have to go to this week…it can all be overwhelming. So overwhelming that we become self-focused and protective of our “time kingdoms.”

But then, you see the hurt in someone’s eyes and you stop for a second to actually ask how they are doing. You need to be somewhere, but somehow it can wait. They tell you their burden and suddenly you are pulled into the grief mire with them because you’ve been there. You’ve been in their place. You understand their pain and you are reminded of your loss. But in this loss, God places a special perspective lens over it. This perspective is called eternity.

Grief is ugly, harsh, cruel, and not what God intended for us to bear. But what man made into a curse, God has made into a gift. He has made grief beautiful.

How has He done this?

He has done so by giving us, Jesus. God sacrificed His Son for us. He went through the deepest grief of losing His Son so that we could have a relationship with Himself. He did this through the painful suffering of the cross. The place where grief, guilt, and despair died at the cost of Jesus’ life. Whether we believe it or not, God understands what we are going through. He places our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). He knows loss, He knows pain, and He has made a way for this earthly grief to fade away. The old hymn, I Stand Amazed in the Presence displays Christ’s grief well:

For me it was in the garden
He prayed: Not My will, but Thine.
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.

How marvelous! How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

Oh, what precious drops of blood! Does this not make you stand amazed and in awe of what God has done for you; what He has finished?

So, let us as the body of Christ remind each other of the truths of the Gospel, of those that need the Gospel, encourage one another to spread the Gospel, and may we rejoice together in the story of the Gospel. This is not our final home. Grief is not forever and Christ is the beautiful end.

“For God’s children, eternity promises that sin will die, suffering will end, our trials will be no more, and we will live with God in perfect peace forever and ever and ever. You just can’t make proper sense of life without viewing it from the perspective of eternity.” 

New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional, Paul David Tripp


And if Not: The Story of Saul the Caterpillar



Dear Friends and Family,

Introducing… And If Not: The Story of Saul the Caterpillar…a new children’s story that God has enabled me to publish this year. God is so good!

The publishing of this book started this past January, but God has had this project be in process for the last 7 years. I never thought I would do anything with this little story, but God had different plans. I decided to publish this book after the passing of a sweet friend and although this story has a bitter taste to it, I pray that it will be a blessing to many families and point to the true and wonderful message of Jesus. If you would like the story of how this book came to be then please read below.

The Story:

“And if Not: The Story of Saul the Caterpillar” initially was a quick response to anxious children in thirst of a new adventure story. Whatever the story was about, it had to have a life lesson. Later, it was written as a poem with the title, “The Fuzzy Little Caterpillar.” There were no names given to the characters nor was it set in any particular place. Over the years, it was realized that this was more than a simple poem. Soon the story details, characters and names started to develop. One very important detail was the meaning of each name in the story. In Hebrew, the name, Saul, means, “asked for, prayed for,” Zimri, means, “my praise” or “my music,” and Ebenezer, means, “stone of help.”

It wasn’t until a missionary from China visited a little island in the Pacific that Saul’s story really came to life. One evening, the missionary gave her testimony and shared her struggles being content with the trials that she and her family had gone through. Two weeks later, she received the terrible news that she was diagnosed with cancer. That was when it was decided that this special story about trials would take place in China. The citrus grove, the cinnamon tree, and even the moths and butterflies are from the China region. Still, Saul’s story wasn’t complete and was put on the shelf for two years.

In December of 2017, a tragic accident happened. A special family lost a son, brother, husband and father; while others lost a close friend, and co-laborer of the Gospel. This was the moment God used to move the author’s heart to finish and publish Saul’s story and see what God could do with its message. This book is dedicated to the son of the friend whom God chose to bring home. May this story be used to glorify God and bring you to the full knowledge and joy of knowing Jesus as your personal Savior.

The book is available now on the Westbow Press website in softcover and in E-Book here.

Soon it will also be available on Barnes and Noble and Amazon websites. I have yet to receive any physical copies, but if you would like to reserve a copy of the book then please email me at with the subject: “Book Reserve”. I would love to hear your feedback as well so please don’t hesitate to contact me.


1,000 Years

“Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life.

-All I Have is Christ, Bob Kauflin

Continue reading “1,000 Years”